I wrote a love poem today: to my boat.
This bothers me more than just a little bit. I’ve spent the last few years moving myself to a much more minimalist lifestyle (truly a “lifestyle” choice) and the thought of being attached to this hunk of fiber and metal is not what I expected.
Don’t get me wrong; Sophia has been a great boat and home. And the blog and organization that inherited her name will press on. But as I’ve also pushed myself to be more emotionally authentic with myself, I didn’t expect these emotions about this.
Then I looked at the words I had written. I realized the poem isn’t really about the boat at all, but rather a season of life. It’s been a season of searching and wondering and waiting. It’s been a season where changes have been happening rapidly and, for the most part, for the better. It’s been a season that brought more struggle than I even would have asked for and the first glimpses of true Joy and friendship I’ve experienced in years.
Earlier this week, a judge handed me signed papers as he spoke the words, “Relief granted as prayed for.” After a season of therapists, psychiatrists, medical doctors and long hours of reading and research, the State of Texas recognized both my name and gender.
That document feels like a graduation certificate, a rite of passage.
I’ve noted all along that while some people see this period of transition and affirmation as a second adolescence, I have seen it as finally finishing the first. Perhaps the emotional clarity I feel in even being able to pen the words below is a telltale sign that I’m ready to “grow up”.
(Don’t expect too much, I still have a lot of work to do.)
Farewell Sophia: on to broader skies.
Farewell Sophia, you’ve been good to me.
We’ve had a journey chasing mysteries.
And though our time together comes to an end
I’ll never forget
How you helped me learn to be a friend.
Farewell Sophia, it’s our last sunrise
It seems that I’ve been called to seek much broader skies
Yet just as the water holds you in the waves
I’ll never forget
How you’ve held through these cloudy days.
Farewell Sophia, we had such great dreams.
Turns out the future wasn’t all it had seemed
But as I press on to whatever lies in store
I’ll carry no regrets
Just learning, seeking, trusting, loving more.
(PS – there’s music to it, perhaps I’ll record it sometime. In the meantime, feel free to channel your inner Billy Joel, Michael Buble or even Air Supply if you go back as far as I do and belt it out to your heart’s content.)