If you’ve been reading this whole series, you may have noticed that about half way through it became plural. As I contemplated the process of wholeness and the things I personally need to work on to get closer to it, “spending” simply had to find it’s way onto the list.
Over the course of our 16 year marriage, this issue haunted me. The problem really goes back even further, but as with many character flaws, marriage had a way of bringing it to the surface. I’ve studied Dave Ramsey, Ron Blue and a host of other experts. I’ve had personal counseling on the subject. I’ve made dozens of beautiful spreadsheets and embarked on countless plans to better track and be held accountable in the area of spending.
It seems we live within one of two realities when it comes to money: we never have enough to make ends meet and land in a mode of crisis management or we have just enough and are lulled into a false sense of security. (I realize that there is the category of “more than enough” but having never experienced it I’m ill qualified to comment!)
The common theme I see in any circumstance is self-discipline and self-control. It’s not lost on my that both ideas start with “self”. That being said, it’s not unreasonable to assume that self-directed notions (think also self-worth, self-soothing, etc.) begin and operate best when there is a strong sense of self.
They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. In this case the variable is me. As I have become more self aware this last year, more confident and capable of defining and expressing myself, I truly believe I’ll be better poised for success in spending well and areas like it. There are a lot habits to breat, and I welcome the accountability in the process, but I have great hope for the future.
(I’m also open to grants – I don’t think Apple is going to some through with any sponsorship money – I’ll make you one of my beautiful spreadsheets!)